The natural state of being stately, simply put, is the state of being dignified, astute, and quite drunk.
I often wonder if this state did not exist would we be able to function properly as a nation; a world. Following the teachings of the Aztecs, we know that large sums of money belong to those who exhibit a superior prowess for inebriation, retardation, and, finally and most importantly, stateliness.
Take George Jones for instance. Taken by his proclivity to drink and mow the lawn at the same time, Jones decided to ride his mower to the store for an ample supply of Kentucky bourbon.
That reminds me of a funny story I once made up about a beaver slapping his tail into a bowl of pudding.
For more information on the natural state of being stately, approach me after any of our shows. Before approaching me, however, you must have in your possession one or more of the following: 1. a Campari and soda, 2. a pint of lager, 3. a bowling ball with your name on it, 4. a smile, 5. a can of Schlitz, 6. a bag of fruit (fresh only), 7. a bow-tie, 8. a paper sack filled with flagged cheeseburger toothpicks (various colors), 9. a fresh tuna (whole), 10. a cup of coffee (black).
Have a lovely day and don't ever forget to be as stately as possible.
David Jack Daniels